now is the time

i woke up and one thing came to my mind.

i really want a dog.

my parents just got back from the dominican and theyve been in the BEST mood in MONTHS. ive been hinting on getting a dog for so long but this weekend my hints became less like hints and more like a plead. i wanted to get into their system as much of my hint/plead as i could before they go back to work tomorrow because i KNOW theyll slip back to the north american mood before i can even say "i want a red and white or black and white siberian husky with blue eyes that i will probably name koge!" [koge {pronounced koh-geh}: burnt]

besides a siberian husky, i also want a small or medium sized dog. maybe a teacup yorkie or a japanese spitz.

or maybe all three... small medium large.

example number one

i watched "sicko" last night. 

i kept thinking,

"why?"

"is this really happening?"

"im glad im canadian"

"im so glad i moved here"

"maybe i should move to england"

"i think i like france"

then i just went back to

"why?"

i dont know how statistically correct or accurate this documentary is (or was) but still,

"why?"

i dont know what i will do if i cant simply go to a walk-in clinic whenever i needed to. i dont know how it feels to be denied treatment. and i dont think i ever want to know. 

why does it have to be so hard to stay alive....

its nice to know that life sort of has a sense of humour.

i decided recently to become more open. to become more friendly. to ignore the rude comments. to stay away from negative speak. to lessen my complaints. to smile and be cheerful and happy. 

(why? thats another entry)

i decided that ive had too many days that start off with negative thoughts and feelings that my whole day is ruined and i end up spending the whole day annoyed or pissed. 

i think on the inside i really was getting tired of the way my life was going. repetitively annoying. 

it wasnt that hard. surprisingly. i was feeling so good that i decided to grant a co-workers wish for an apple fritter. so good that i even took orders from the rest of the team. so good i headed out on possibly one of the coldest days of the year for this rare coffee run. so good that i treated everyone to something. 

tonight, my brother came home with a box of doughnuts and hot chocolate for everyone. 

train of thoughtless thoughts

dream dream dream dream

*car alarm*

*people scurrying*

wtf?????

*car alarm dies*

oh LOL someones trying to steal my brothers car

whatever i dont care

*checks time*

" 6:44 am "

awww maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

*alarm clock* 

*slides to " snooze "*

pushing papers

i had a moment at work today.

i had to fight off the urge to sigh deeply, complain, yell, pull my hair, and cry.

what am i doing?

really. 

i thought this would be okay. me, coming in at 9am, sitting in front of the computer, packing up at five, and then doing what i really wanted to do afterwards. at least that was the idea. 

recently ive been too worn out that i just want to pack up and go home. 

i envy the people who share photos of their vacations and adventures all over the world. i envy the people who post beautiful photos they took time to take. 

i want to go on vacations. i want to have adventures. i want to take beautiful photos. 

and i can. and i should. 

but im a coward.

im too afraid to make decisions. i dont want to be accountable. 

and im lazy.

breaking the routine is just too much work. 

no one is stopping me but me. 

and thats the crappiest place i could possibly put myself in.

i think im gonna go back to school.

but this time, im going for me.

imperfect, just how i like it

this photo is grainy. the timing was off. its off center. 

postproduction efforts were minimal. 

its just like how we are. 

its perfectly flawed.

things arent always clear. things arent always sure. things dont always happen. things dont always go right. 

but there is so much there that its not hard to make it. 

smiles, hugs, kisses, letters, notes, holding of hands, dates, meals, trips, and everything in between. 

i admit, things or experiences become special because of the people you share it with. 

but you can only experience things so many times. after a while, it loses its magic.

im glad we can forever share the magic of our many firsts together. 

quick, before i pick up the phone!

so. its 2009. whoopdeedoo.

new years eve was normal and not. 

pajama party/dinner with family. dinner, normal. pajama party, not.

dramatic exile to another hotel. drama, normal. exile, not. 

yeah, the hotel we booked with told us that our room has been given away because they over booked. first it was OMG WHAT?!?!?! then it slowly made its way up to OMG WHAAAAT!!! the difference? from being momentarily homeless for NYE to getting a kickass suite for free. how kickass you ask? check out our view. (pictured above: view of rogers centre in downtown toronto from the 1st floor of our suite.)

so that was good. 

oh and the dimsum the day after was very good as well. well worth the crowded wait. 

january 2nd, the office was closed so i decided to paint and rearrange my room. 1 big desk removal, 2 shades of blue, and 3 pieces of new furniture later, it was done. now i have more space to do nothing on. 

yesterday, i received a new video game from my lovely kareshi ♥ (from who? look it up and learn something new)

im not done playing the video games i got for christmas yet. im not done my old ones either for that matter.

and i havent watched all the movies i got from my brother. i have 4 more to go. 

i still have to clean out my closet to make room for the new clothes i want to buy.

i spent a good hour or so online shopping for a purse. and other things. 

i can feel it. im getting bored. the holidays are over. the festivities are done. its back to normal again. 

i need to do something. buy a purse, buy gloves, buy new work clothes, buy new clothes period, take photos, exercise, eat less, read a book, play video games, watch movies, watch anime, watch asian dramas. but these are all so normal. i need to do something not normal so i dont get bored. 

i have to find something to do soon or else i will lose it one day and book an appointment with heather to chop 5 inches off my hair. mark my words! (ugh i hate that expression. my 4th grade homeroom teacher always used to threaten us with it.)